KISS YOUR BUTS GOODBYE
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Filed under:
“I haven’t gotten a job starter yet.”
“I didn’t get the job starter.”
“I’ve got to be home for a controlled burn in the front yard.”
“I was delayed at a draw bridge.”
“I had to cross Woodward during the Dream Cruise.”
“I accidently deleted it.”
“They didn’t know the difference between our color outputs and the final printed piece.”
“I thought John was in that meeting.”
“You said the meeting was after lunch. I eat at 1:00.”
“Nobody told me we were going to round the corners.”
“I just got here.”
“My cell phone’s ringer was turned all the way down.”
“I thought everybody knew what blind embossing was.”
“She won’t return my calls.”
“I called but nobody answered.”
“I thought there was only a two hour time difference.”
“FedEx ate my package.”
“It was on the receptionist’s desk for three days.”
“Nobody told me.”
“But Dick asked for more boing.”
“I’ve been cranking on the direct mail project instead.”
“You never told me.”
“I just assumed…”
“The client ate all the corned beef.”
“My dog ate my sketch.”
“We couldn’t get a moose…it’s illegal in Michigan.”
“He was out in the hall making tee-times.”
“They wouldn’t approve it anyway.”
“Oh yeah, it was presented. They didn’t comment directly on it, though.”
“Couldn’t get your job on press. Paper’s stuck on a boat in the frozen St. Lawrence Seaway from Europe.”
“The Internet was down.”
“Nobody told me.”
“The printer was broken/jammed/billowing smoke.”
“I don’t remember that.”
“I didn’t think that was part of my job.”
“The guys at the office thought it was funny.”
“I’ve got seniority. I don’t have to do that.”
“It’s got a spell checker?”
“Blimpy’s was really crowded.”
“I had to take my cat in for dialysis.”
“Sorry, is 20 gigabytes too big?”
“I thought you were speaking metaphorically.”
“Must be something wrong with our email. Or maybe your email.”
“I didn’t get your voicemail.”
“My computer’s down.”
“The printer’s down.”
“Our phones are down.”
“Ran into traffic. Damn construction.”
“Internal miscommunication.”
“Gotta go pick up my son/daughter/dog from school/practice/the vet.”
“It was sitting at the base of the stairs.”
“It came back from the service bureau wrong.”
“There’s no one to work on it.”
“Everyone has the flu.”
“We had 12 inches of snow last night.”
“The job starter was buried on my desk.”
“I don’t know anything about that.”
“That’s not my project.”
“I passed that on to_________.”
“I left it on your desk.”
“We’re moving this week.”
“The phones were out.”
“Our fax machine is out.”
“The printer’s down.”
“Power outage.”
“My car broke down.”
“I have a sore throat.”
“I was up all night so I can’t come in.”
“The bus was late.”
“Sun was shining right on my computer so I couldn’t read your email.”
“I got two flat tires on the way to the meeting.”
“Because I’m the boss.”
“The overhead door on the loading dock broke so we couldn’t get your job on the truck.”
“I couldn’t find my pen.”
“The guy working on my car quit.”
“Because my name’s on your paycheck.”
“The client’s wife thought it looked too red. As in communist.”
“No one was there to sign for it.”
“It takes two weeks for the ink to dry.”
“I got a manager from Singapore on the other line. Can I call you back?”
“I really had to go. You know, GO go.”
“I had the right keys but the wrong car.”
“I didn’t hear it. I was talking.”
“We’ve got the hole as small as possible, but you’re just going to have to live with it.”
If you’re at all like me (and I pray you’re not), you gotta hate hearing excuses. Especially ones preceded by “I don’t want to make excuses but …” I’ll listen, but I’ll be ignoring. And as I’m ignoring, I’d be thinking up a solution to the problem the excusers have gotten themselves, AND ME, into. Which they should’ve been doing in the first place. Moral of this rant? Don’t be afraid to say “I blew it.” “I screwed up.” “You really should fire me.” (kidding) “I wasn’t thorough enough” or “I got lazy.” And say it fast because there’s a problem to be solved. Dig?
