LAWN FURNITURE IS NOT A TOILET
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Things I’ve done once but won’t do twice:
Make a prospective new business client cry.
Tell a client who just fired us what I’m really thinking.
Tell a prospective client their ads are for crap.
Buy a set of irons because they look good.
Drink gin at the company golf outing.
Drink gin at the company Christmas party.
Drink gin.
Let somebody hire somebody I don’t feel right about.
Put a beet in my mouth.
Buy pants I’ll be able to fit into some day.
Eat a package of Fudge Stripe cookies without moving from my chair.
Chew gum during a presentation.
Of if I do, let it fly out of my mouth.
Mistake lawn furniture for a toilet.
Put my foot on a urinal at Waterville to tie my shoe.
Get out of my car at a car wash.
Put my car in drive in a car wash.
Give a performance review.
Brake suddenly when biking downhill.
Or use an absolute in a sentence. Never, ever, ever again.
Drink flavored coffee.
Not prepare properly for a major presentation.
Forget to thank God every day for my exceptionally better half.
Remember where I left my breakfast dish.
Fly two hours or more without spilling something on myself.
Let Lisa order pizza without explicit instructions regarding including meat.
Play Sheibar and Mahnken in 2 on 2 basketball.
Run a marathon.
Say I’ll never do something again again.
Purchase new car keys at $130 a pop before checking all my pants pockets.
Start a Sudoku puzzle.
Attend my surprise birthday party.
Sell T-shirts at the Holland tulip festival.
Play Old Head in 45mph winds.
Wash down cheese popcorn with chocolate milk.
Dance.
